Self-confidence and Agreements With Yourself

If you don’t keep agreements with yourself, you damage your self-confidence. Discover how you can use appointments with yourself to increase your self-confidence step by step.

Agreements with yourself are important

It sounds strange, but the agreements you make with yourself are just as important as the agreements you make with others. Why? Easy:

  • Failure to keep an agreement with someone else is detrimental to the relationship you have with that person.
  • Failure to keep an agreement with yourself is detrimental to the relationship you have with yourself.

In other words, it is harmful to your self-confidence. If someone regularly does not keep their agreements, you will soon lose confidence. And if it gets too bad, you always have the option to end the relationship.

That does not apply to yourself. If you let yourself downtime and time again, confidence in yourself drops. And then you will have to learn to live with that.

What do agreements with yourself look like?

Sometimes they are concrete goals. Such as: “This week I will complete this project.” But more often it is unconscious agreements that you make with yourself during the day.

A friend once told me she gets up with a complete to-do list in her head. When she has a day off, she thinks she has to do everything. Cleaning the house, going to the petting zoo with her daughter, doing odd jobs around the house, baking a cake, healthy cooking, getting a shopping etc.

She told me how to disappoint herself in this way every time. She never finishes her list, of course, so she proves to herself time and time again that she is not capable and, moreover, cannot be trusted.

Agreements with yourself are sometimes conscious, sometimes unconscious. But it is important that you always make them transparent to yourself. Why? So that you can manage them consciously.

  • You don’t want to make too many agreements with yourself. Because you can only meet a limited number.
  • You want to adjust the agreements you make with yourself so that you can actually keep them.
  • If you’re not going to be able to keep an appointment, it is time to address the appointment. Just as you can neatly cancel a date with a friend in advance, you can negotiate with yourself to avoid damaging your confidence.

By better managing the agreements you make with yourself, you can use them to build your self-confidence step by step.

This way you manage appointments with yourself

What should you pay attention to when making agreements with yourself?

  • Make sure you can keep the agreements. Give yourself a match that you can win. Don’t put yourself behind by thinking of an impossible list of to-dos. For example, my girlfriend would be better off saying, “Today I finish that chore at home, and then we go to the petting zoo”.
  • Realize that not keeping agreements is a direct tax on your self-confidence. If I agree to write five articles and only write three, I don’t feel really successful. When I agree to write three articles and write four, I feel great.
  • It’s good to challenge yourself, a little pressure won’t hurt. But look for a sweet spot. Because if it is too challenging and you can’t get it done, it will backfire.
  • Keep it simple. Don’t try to do too many things at once. Agree with yourself what you want to achieve and do it. Keep it small and accessible, and don’t create a cluster of projects.
  • Treat yourself like a good friend. Are you unable to keep the appointment? Does it turn out to be too much, or does things not go as you expected? Then revise your appointment. Be honest with yourself and adjust your arrangement with yourself. Suppose I have been working on the articles longer than I thought, then I can revise my agreement: “I will not get five, but I am now focusing on four articles.”
  • Treat yourself to success. The goal is not so much that you complete all your tasks. There is always more to do than you can do. The goal is to make you feel successful. That way you build your confidence and feel great.

Don’t make agreements with yourself lightly. They are important, and they have a significant impact on the relationship you have with yourself.

Felix Tammi

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top