Positive Self-esteem and Your Upbringing

It is a well-known phenomenon that it takes little effort for a person to invent or list the bad qualities and habits of himself. You will recognize this too. On the other hand, you have a lot more trouble thinking up and enumerating your good qualities.

Positive self-esteem and your upbringing

This is not surprising when you realize that in education by parents and teachers more attention is paid to the things that you do not or cannot yet do well than on the things that we do well or already master.

These good qualities and achievements are taken for granted by others as well as by someone themselves. Actually as something that is normal and about which one does not need to think and talk about it. However, if ordinary things are not taken into account, the balance always turns to the negative side.

I must now let you know that education is changing enormously. Increasingly, the number of correct is stated in a test. Many teachers are even checking with a green pen.

Negative self-image

So you actually learn to think and talk about yourself negatively. A negative image of yourself often goes hand in hand with low self-confidence. You never know better. You have never been taught it the right way.

“If you don’t have that much self-confidence it is also difficult to say what you really want, to ask what you need, in short, it is more difficult to be assertive. That is why it is so important to dwell on the positive qualities that you certainly have 

Positive self-esteem and unreasonable thoughts

The fact that it is difficult to pay attention to this has to do with your upbringing. However, unreasonable thoughts also play a role in this. For example, if you feel that you are only worthwhile if you achieve a lot. Or if you do everything right and if you feel that you are worthless when you make mistakes. Or that you are a conceited brush when you praise yourself, then it is very difficult to think positively about yourself.

Attention to positive qualities

With these unreasonable thoughts, you sell yourself short. You don’t pay attention to the positive qualities that you have just like everyone else.

If you think more about things you do well, even if they seem so small and ordinary at first, then you learn to appreciate yourself more. This will make you feel and behave more confidently. This is good for your self-confidence and positive self-esteem.

Get compliments

It’s nice to receive a compliment, but we don’t always know what to do. Frequently heard responses are therefore contradicting, weakening, ignoring, or ‘ping-ponging back’ the compliment. I have written several articles about this. It is so important to receive compliments in the right way.

Examples of receiving compliments in the ‘wrong way’:

A: “What a nice dress you are wearing!”

B: ‘It’s already a very old one otherwise’

A: “What a wonderful meal this is!”

B: Well, they were very easy recipes.

Compliments are really just for you

It is difficult to agree that someone else appreciates you. Although deep in your heart you can agree with him. Unreasonable thoughts can play a role here, such as:

“When I show that I’m pleased with myself, they think I’m a conceited brush which would be terrible. He can’t mean that, I’m not that good in the least 

By not accepting the compliment, you are depriving yourself. Moreover, you do not take the other seriously and, as it were, correct them.

Annoying compliments for your self-esteem

Some compliments, however, can be annoying, such as “You are so hot” or “How beautiful you are when you are angry”.

“These are often comments that are packaged as a compliment, while they mean something else. Try to distinguish between compliments with a double meaning and real compliments 

Take these final, real compliments, as they are intended and enjoy. Let it come over you like a hot shower!

Example of a compliment received in the right way:

A: “What a nice dress you are wearing!”

B: Yes, thank you, I really like it myself and have enjoyed it for a long time. I’ll be sorry if it gets ancient and worn out ‘.

When receiving compliments, you should pay attention to what the other person shows you in terms of affection or appreciation. Look at the other. Then realize that the other appreciates something about you and show what the compliment does to you.

Give compliments

Although you often notice in yourself that you appreciate something from someone else, it sometimes turns out to be difficult to express it directly.

“For example, you are afraid that the other person will find him exaggerated or crazy. Moreover, with a sincere compliment you also expose something of yourself that can make you feel vulnerable ”

In addition to not daring to give compliments, it also seems as if you simply ‘forget’ to tell others what you think is good and nice of him or her. You think too soon that others know that you appreciate them and that you don’t have to say so emphatically. Sin!

Still, it can be nice for the other person to receive a compliment. It is also pleasant for yourself to be able to express feelings of appreciation or admiration for someone else. In addition, the other also gets to know you better.

How do you give compliments? Important notes

  • Find out what you appreciate in the other.
  • Decide if you want to show that.
  • Pick a good time to express it.
  • Make it clear to the other person what you appreciate.
  • Be brief.
  • Use positive words, not negations such as “not bad”, “not bad.”
  • Talk in terms of me (about myself) and you/you (to the other).
  • Adjust your non-verbal behavior to what you say.
  • Pay attention to the other person’s reaction. Pay attention to whether the other person has understood your compliment correctly or whether you have been clear enough.
  • You often don’t have to think long about a compliment, it often comes to you by itself.
  • Make sure that your compliment is not lost in noise, crowds or because the other person is not paying attention.
  • Make sure you look at the other.
  • If the other response by waving your compliment away, feel free to repeat it again.

Great that you have read my article so far. This week, try to practice giving compliments to others and yourself.

Felix Tammi

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