Improve Relationship – Simple Tip for a Great Love Relationship

Improving your relationship is easier than you think. These golden tips will help you improve your love relationship step by step. Shall we start?

Improving your relationship is simple

Look – there are tons of things you can do to improve your relationship. Many of those things work well, others work a little less. And I want to share with you something that works like a charm.

Really.

I’ve been with Billy since 2005, and we still have a lot of fun together. In part, of course, this is simply due to mutual respect, attention to each other, and open communication. And another contributing factor is a simple book.

The simplest book that changes everything

There are a few of those books that I’ve seen passing by all my life but never got around to. One of those books is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I had planned to read it for years, and a few years ago I finally got around to it.

And I think more people should read this classic – because I think this book can’t just improve your relationship. I think this theory can make a lot of relationship counseling unnecessary and prevent a lot of divorces and misery.

Big words – I know. But as the Americans say: The proof of the pudding is in the eating. By trying it yourself you will find out whether it works for you. The book has been around for a while and maybe a bit out of date (it mainly talks about marriage and straight relationships), but the message is still completely relevant.

Let me briefly take you through the ideas in the book.

There are different love languages

A love language is a way you should love of one receives. And every person does this in his own way.

It could be that your partner speaks a completely different love language than you. He or she says ‘I love you’ to you all day long, but does so in Swahili . And you don’t understand that. To you, it just sounds like your partner is talking nonsense.

And in the meantime, you wonder when the other person will say ‘I love you’ to you. Talk about miscommunication.

So that’s how it goes in many relationships. We constantly tell each other how much we love each other. But we don’t speak each other’s language. And so the message does not get through.

And when that message doesn’t get through, we feel empty and inadequate. Then there are cracks in the relationship and the fun disappears. Meh.

There are only 5 love languages

Well, that all sounds pretty complicated. But the nice thing is that there are only 5 love languages. And every person gives and receives love through a combination of these 5 languages.

What are those 5 love languages?

Positive words – Think of compliments and encouragement.

Time and Attention – Talking to each other, spending time together, and showing genuine interest in each other.

Gifts – Be surprised with thoughtful niceties.

Service – Taking care of the other in any way (cooking, working, cleaning, massaging, etc.)

Physical touch – Cuddling, intimate contact, a hand on the shoulder, an unexpected kiss, making love, etc.

Everyone has their own mix. You may not care about touch, but your heart will beat faster when you bring sweet breakfast in bed. And you may speak all five languages ​​equally.

Men often (but not always) gravitate towards the touch and positive words. Women often (but again, not always) gravitate towards service and gifts. Exactly – you immediately know where the stereotype ‘he always wants sex and does little in the housework’ and ‘she whines that I have to clean up, but she doesn’t want to sleep with me’ comes from.

You can take a test to find out what your main love languages ​​are, at the bottom of the article you will find links.

My love language was very clear

Yes – very clear. Because I seem to find touch the most important. Followed at a distance by time and attention and positive words.

And that’s funny – because Billy mostly tends to be of service and scored very low on touch.

So? So we both read the book and had a good chat about it. Billy has been trying even harder ever since to touch me more often, and to let me in when I ask for a hug. And I try my best to do more sweet things for him.

Positive words and time and attention are good for both of us – so that’s okay. And we neither think gifts are that important, so we pay less attention to them.

And that’s it.

Imagine what it would mean for you if your partner spoke your love language better? It all seems too simple, but sometimes things are just simple.

It also works when it feels ‘made’

And that’s the crazy thing. This whole story is so responsive to your deepest desires as a human that it doesn’t really matter why your partner makes an effort for you.

That’s also what made me laugh so much about Billy. It makes little emotional difference whether he spontaneously hugs me or whether he makes a point of it. “I’m giving you a kiss now because you like it so much.” The result is the same: a happy Jelle.

If we make a very ‘forced’ agreement that from now on I will make breakfast a few times a week, it still feels very good for Billy. And that’s why it works so well. It is not magic, it is a response to your underlying and unconscious demand for love. And you can make that as romantic or practical as you want.

And you can laugh about it a little bit together. Because it is sometimes quite fun.

Because that’s the way it is: one person needs more sleep, or more rest or more adventure. Or don’t like red cabbage or hot fruit. That’s how it is. So it is with these things. Your love language is the quality of who you are. And to feel good about yourself you need love in the language that suits you.

I need kisses and hugs. If I don’t get them, that’s not the end of the world. But when I do get them, I start to radiate with happiness, and I feel warm and loving inside.

That is the power of this idea. And that’s why this principle can drastically improve your relationship.

You can learn to understand several languages

It’s one thing to learn to speak the other’s language – it’s also very valuable to understand the other’s love language.

What do I mean by that? Well – your primary love language will always be your default starting point for communicating your love for someone.

So when I want to express my love I always reach for touch because that is my love language. And while Billy tries his best to touch me more often, I’ve also come to see that he expresses his love when he does things for me.

And now I understand that – when he’s spontaneously preparing lunch – he expresses his love that way. And now that I see that, I can enjoy it a lot more.

It’s a bit like the light spectrum. Normally you only see visible light. But much more light is present, such as infrared light. You don’t see that, but it is there.

As soon as you learn to understand other love languages, it is like suddenly seeing the full spectrum of light. You suddenly realize that a lot more love is coming your way in other wavelengths – while all the time you were only looking for the one wavelength that interests you.

You may not always fully meet each other’s needs. But you can understand the other better to see how much love is actually coming your way.

Start improving your relationship

Okay – a good story. So where do you start? I recommend that you read the book. It is short, compact and when you are done with it, you can pass it on to befriended couples who could use some joy.

In the book, you will find the test. You can also download the official test in PDF format. There are also online tests such as this one, but you may need to provide data.

Give it a try. If there is one simple way I know of to improve your relationship, it is this as far as I am concerned.

Felix Tammi

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