15 Tips for More Self-confidence

Do you want more confidence? Feel stronger and more confident with these tips.

Write down your successes

Make lists of things that have worked, instead of things that you still have to do. According to psychologist Fred Sterk, all those to-do lists are disastrous for self-confidence. ‘It is much better to keep track of successes. Cultivating more self-confidence is also a matter of focusing on the positive things in life. ‘

Set challenging but realistic goals

Don’t try to do everything. If your demands are too high, you can feel like a failure all the time. Enjoy the things you can do. But also try to do something now and then that is just too difficult for you. Flow expert Csikszentmihalyi: ‘The more experience with succeeding in challenges, the more self-confidence you build. And the happier you become. ‘

Know your positive qualities

Write all the good things about yourself on a list. Psychotherapist Mark Tyrell strongly argues in Inside. Use terms such as “I am” and “I have”. Carry that list with you, review it from time to time, and update it regularly.

Look at criticism constructively

Fred Sterk: ‘Criticism is part of life. Always be open to criticism from others, but know that that criticism is someone’s specific opinion. You can reject or accept them. You determine which criticism is important to you and which is not. ‘

Associate with successful people

The English psychologist Lynda Field states that people with low self-confidence often feel threatened by successful people. They much prefer to hang out with people who are less successful than themselves. While you can learn from successful people. Field: ‘Success attracts success, just as negativity attracts more negativity. Hang out with people you admire and you are encouraged to achieve success yourself and develop more self-confidence. ‘

Time for yourself gives more self-confidence

Just take that Italian course, go for a swim, or go wine tasting. Make time and relax! “When you’re taking excellent care of yourself, you recognize that your needs are even as important as those of others. This increases your self-esteem and you cultivate more self-confidence. ‘

Lower your demands a little

For example, if you have difficulty connecting with strangers at parties, don’t expect to have a ‘fun, spontaneous conversation’. Fred Sterk: ‘Determine in advance that a simple conversation, about the weather if necessary, with one person is sufficient. Be satisfied when you have done that and reward yourself. ‘

Allow for uncertainty

People with negative self-image often jump to conclusions. That they are apparently not that nice, because they are only invited to a party at the last minute. In the absence of evidence for – or against – that statement, you just have to allow the uncertainty. Conclude that there is no specific explanation, or that you just have to wait for the true meaning to emerge.

Invest in personal growth

Mark Tyrell advises to actively invest in personal development. Read books on personal growth. Sign up for a course in assertiveness, self-esteem, stress management, self-control, time management or communication skills. ‘ Coaching is one of the most effective ways to work on yourself. Via Coach finder, you will find an overview of reliable coaches. Discover which coach suits you.

Create bonds with others

Every person wants to belong to others. If that need is not met, it can lead to isolation, alienation, loneliness or depression, according to Tyrell. A sense of belonging strengthens self-esteem and confidence. So: invest in your friends, join a tennis club, take singing lessons or start a reading club.

Make confident phone calls

Do you have to make a difficult phone call? Then stand up. According to Lynda Field, this gives a feeling of physical and psychological superiority – even if the other person cannot see you. And smile at the phone. Those who laugh seem more confident and self-aware and are treated with more respect.

Think more positively

Reprogram your thoughts. Recognize and challenge negative ideas: is there evidence for this thought? Am I making things worse than they are? Is this thought helpful to me? Then substitute positive thoughts to cultivate more self-confidence. So not: ‘I completely ruined that presentation, and I am crazy’ but ‘Okay, it didn’t go well, but everyone finds it difficult to speak in front of a group. The more I do this, the better it will go. ‘

Watch your body language

Drooping shoulders, avoiding eye contact and a closed posture are signs of insecurity. Do you want a confident look? Then sit up straight, put the shoulders back, make eye contact, and smile with the whole face.

Be assertive

Assertiveness increases the chances of success in any human interaction, Tyrell said. Be clear and honest, and when you criticize, criticize someone’s behavior, not their personality.

Don’t keep comparing yourself to others

According to social psychologist Pieternel Dijkstra, the negative comparison is one of the eight fallacies of people with low self-confidence. When comparing, say “stop” immediately and replace that negative thought with something positive that is separate from the situation. For example: nice weather today. If you still compare yourself to someone else, let them inspire you.

Don’t think black and white

“If I’m not funny, I’m boring.” According to Fred Sterk, black and white thinking forms the basis for perfectionism. Either you’re doing it right or you’re a failure. It’s an unrealistic way of thinking. No one is one hundred percent attractive or totally ugly, completely brilliant or completely stupid. Be aware of the black and white fallacy, and don’t allow it any longer. These are common thinking mistakes.

Felix Tammi

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